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Excluding those things that can endanger our lives, most of our fears are distorted. It is realistic to fear crossing a busy street when the light is red. It is also realistic to fear picking up a rattlesnake when you have not had the proper training. However, it is unrealistic to fear public speaking or asking someone out for a date.
These kinds of fears, while quite common, involve threats to our emotional safety. After all, what is the worst that can happen if our minds go blank while speaking, or we get rejected when asking for a date? The answer to those questions is the fear of being judged. We fear what other people will think of us.
Why is it that these kinds of fear can make such an impact on us? The reason why has to do with how our brains work. There is a part of the brain known as the amygdala that informs the body of when a threat is present.
This message from our brain is what creates anxiety and stress. The challenge is that the amygdala is programmed by our brains. For many of us, we have spent years programming our brains to fear things. What is important to understand is that what triggers the amygdala is our perceptions of the situation, not the reality of it. What this means is that our brains react to fears, whether they are real or imagined. Our bodies cannot tell the difference!
The stress hormone cortisol is produced when we are in fear mode, whether we are responding to the threat of being hit by a car or asking someone out for a date. This hormone puts our minds and bodies in a state of high alert. If this state becomes habitual for us, it can lead to serious health issues.
There is only one way to overcome your fear: you have to face it. When we do not face our fears, we reinforce those beliefs that cause us to avoid that which we fear. Avoiding our fears is the same as feeding them.
So, how do you challenge your fears? You confront them by taking baby steps and using relaxation techniques. Do the following:
- Make a list of the things that cause you anxiety and the level of anxiety that they create for you. Example: Asking questions during a business meeting makes me anxious. On a scale of 1-10, my anxiety is a 3.
- When you have identified the things that create anxiety in you, put them in order according to the level of anxiety that they create. Put the item that creates the least anxiety at the bottom of the list, and the one that creates the most at the top.
- Starting with the bottom item, make a commitment to yourself that you will face it by taking baby steps. Example: If I am fearful of asking questions in a meeting, I will break down the steps that I can take to challenge this fear:
- If there is a coworker that I trust at the meeting, I could ask them my question.
- Ask the facilitator my question after the meeting is over or at break time.
- Finally, ask my question during the actual meeting.
- These are the steps that I would follow to address my fear. I would start with the first item and keep doing it until my anxiety goes down. When that happens, I will go to the next item. Again, I would continue to take action on this item until my anxiety becomes less. I would repeat this process with the final step: Asking my question during the meeting.
It is also helpful to come up with relaxation techniques that you can use when you feel your anxiety rising. Try simple breathing exercises where you pay attention to the flow of your breath.
Ultimately, overcoming fears involves continued practice, one step at a time. Just being exposed to your fears can make you feel more confident.
